church lady

Sometimes I wonder who I am? I surprise myself...

Last week I actually referred to myself as a 'church lady'.

There was a death in our church and for the last few years I have been the one to organize the luncheon our church provides for the families following the burial.

I never thought that would be something I would do...yet it feels so natural to me.

I first became involved in this ministry actually at the parish we were with many many years ago.

I was on the verge of leaving the Catholic Church, because ...oh, of so many things...

but I went to our pastor to talk first...

and he, of all things, suggested I get more involved

He gave me a contact name, a woman from the 'the church ladies who do the funeral luncheons'

And I began to cook and serve with these women, all so much older than I...but I began to see there, that we all just women...

all people, God's people, God's children

I believe God spoke to my heart and to soften it in that scrubbly little kitchen with those sometimes sweet sometimes ornery old women

I was a very judgemental young woman. I was born and raised in the Catholic faith, 12 years of parochial school...but it did not stick. When I went off to college I became enthralled with the non-denominational Christians I encountered for the first time in my life. They had something real and wonderful that I had never experienced before. I accepted Jesus...and began (I thought) this life time walk with Christ...I know now it began oh so long ago...before the foundation of the world.

I married my high-school sweet heart (a nice Catholic boy) and by the time I began serving with the church ladies we had four children. All that time I had remained hooked on Christ, reading daily, praying and journaling, participating in bible study with wonderful groups of women and he and I with couples...

My husband had a strong faith, but it was a Church going faith...not a living, daily, 'relationship' that I knew...

We raised our children in the Church...

But I struggled

I prayed intensely for my husband for many years and trusted him to God somehow...

But it was the children I worried about. I was not sure they were going to get it...knowing Jesus...I did not want to be delinquent in teaching them all about Christ, not just the church stuff.

I did not want them to miss what I missed...

So I wanted to start going to different churches, some of the ones my bible study friends went to...that was a huge sorce of contention between my husband and I. He said I could go, that we all could go together, but that we'd have to go to mass together first... what a wise man he is!

One of the early lessons the Lord began to teach me was I that I am under my husband, that he is the head of our family...I trusted him for that...respected him in that...and trusted that God had placed me and the children there and that the Lord would bring all this around.

I did not want my faith, my God to be soemthing that divided us...somehow I knew God was not about division, but about self-sacrifice, trust and love.

So

I went to our pastor he hooked me up with the church ladies

and my judgementalism began to fade. I began to fall in love with these women and those whom we served.

For many years I had felt that those in the Catholic Church were not part of Christ, were somehow not true believers...that they didn't know Jesus...

Every Sunday I would sit in the congreataion thinking only I had come to know Jesus....

these people just don't get it...

oh...the arrogance...oh I had so much to learn...

So I began to see these Catholics with the eyes of Christ. And I began to share in their lives, and they shared with me how they believed, and I shared with them...and they accepted me

(unlike how I judged them and wanted them to change?!?)

and instead of judging and feeling bad for everyone as they would go up to receive the Eucharist I began to see the faith they had, and what I, and we had been given...and I began to weep at communion every week...

Somehow God had created a clean and loving heart in me. And I have been growing in knowledge and love for the church I was raised ever since...oh I still struggle with many things...wanting answers...not understanding...

but I admit and love being Catholic now...

and I am a church lady

oh and the kids and my husband...but of course, all in Christ...as well?!?

praise to you oh Lord