take care

monday morning woke at the butt crack of dawn again, as martha, worried for many things...

did the garbage get taken out (no).

We need to move...

this place needs too much work.

the chimney,

the furnace/radiators

the apartment kitchen

the lack of grass

the incorrectly installed gutters

the noise

I become increasingly aware of the traffic, cars moving, going to work, kids going to school

everyone up...showered...into their days

I think of coco going to the 't'

do going to Spain

tebs going to work

vin mowing grandma j's lawn

and I sit

still

coffee in hand

thinking about going into the hospital

How I have come to dread it, feel inadequate at it, unequipped for it, unable...

I still need, want, demand too much care?!?

How can I give care?!?

Who will take care of me?

That huanting returning question...

I think of my conversation with my mom last night, she's really thinking of moving north?!

Who cares for her?

Will it fall to me to care for her?

and as I sit with this crazy world whirling around in my head,

and tears forming in my eyes

I begin to pray

1 Peter 5:7
Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you

He cares...
He is able

and He is in me and I am in Him...

I am able

I remember when the kids were little feeling totally inadequate at being a mom...

and I see them now

read their beautiful notes to me for our day

somehow

we are where we are today...

they are who they are...

wonderful, able, capable...loving people

This has been done before...

I am not alone

I am loved