to my best friend ever

I woke in the middle of the night with warm tears squeezing out of my sleeping eyes.

You've always said "things can change in an instant." And when you gave me the "head's up" yesterday of the changes to come, it was all I could do not to crawl up into your lap, bury my head in your neck and weep with loss.

But I didn't.

I could see that just my tearing up made it difficult for you, and I feel I've always been far too difficult for you and did not want that to be my last hoorah!

After all it is you who have shown me how to be grown-up, parental, appropriate...

I want to just be a child and really cry, cry, cry and feel this pure emotion.
How could you go? How can you leave me?
How can you live without me?
How will I live without you?

But this really isn't about me, this is not personal.

You are leaving...
You and your husband are taking new positions.
You ARE NOT LEAVING ME.

And I am not that little selfish child, I am a woman, a mother, a friend, a grown-up...
and I have become those things because of you.

I have never felt this way before.
I have never had a best friend before...
so I have never had one who has left.

I've moved, friends have moved, but never have I felt this...

I have always loved you.
You gave me a gift that no one ever had before.
You surely didn't realize it, it was just you being you.
I've seen you give it before and I'm sure you have given it before even if I have never seen it...
because you have good friends.

I've been jealous of those good friends, your trips to visit your friends...
Because I didn't feel I belonged in that category, I was an acquaintance, nothing special really, perhaps a friend...but your 'good friends' were someone other than me....

Now
I am so grateful that I have seen you in action! I know you go and visit your friends...
And I am one of those friends and so I will see you again!?!?
And perhaps be and have a friend in you forever, no matter where you are!?!?

That hope is there, yet the reality of not having you a phone call and a coffee away breaks my heart...how will I endure?

I remember our first encounter on the front porch with the crib...
I remember when I feel in love/in friendship with you.

Actually it's very sketchy!?!?

But it was over coffee at Pannera. You simply asked 'how are you?' in a way that I have never heard before...
You wanted to know, cared to know, and were going to take the time...to know.

I can't remember if I spilled my wounded broken self on you all at once at that first coffee...
or if it was a series of overtures and overflowings?!?!?
but I remember that feeling of safety and security that I felt in you.

My sister in Christ

My husband has always been 'Christ' in my life, the giver, the provider, self-less, loving...perfectly, and he will always be...

But you have been my only sister, my best friend, my 'woman' girl friend.

I attached myself to you like someone drowning does.
You pulled me to safety, set me on solid ground, and continually check to see if I am still okay.

You always tell me that I have been that friend to you too, and I'm glad you have received that, along the way...I'm glad we have grown together and helped each other, along the way...

But I know how needy I was, and broken, there in the beginning and I will forever be indebted and grateful to you, for who you are, who God made you to be.

And I will always be thankful that He saw fit to bring our lives together when He did.

Even if it was only for a season...

"Eye has not seen, Ear has not heard what God has ready for those who love Him."
1 Corinthians 2:9

I never imagined, it never even entered into my realm of thought that someday you would not be there?!?!?


You with your romantic, perfect woodland cabin, your summer garden, your perennial gardens...
I see you there forever...
and you reassuringly say you are not moving, not selling your home...
You will still have your home here!
But it's not your home I want, I guess...

I want you in your home...steady and constant
Not in and out every few months...

But
I'm learning it is not always about me! or what I want...

We are, we exist, to love and serve the Lord, and He has a mighty purpose for you and your husband...and you do it so naturally, beautifully, gracefully...

All will be well
God has prepared wonderful things for us...
He has already given us so much...
and still has things we cannot even imagine.

"This is the way, walk in it."
Isaiah 30:21