Consider the lillies

my guy was so sleepy today
as out of it as I ever seen him

and just last week he was as active as I had ever seen him

He had a bloom next to his bed for the first time too!
from a hibiscus plant that he got for father's day in 1984...
that continues to bloom......in the spare bedroom

I sat there watching him sleep

and thought of all the things we have talked about on our Tuesdays past
so many things I can't quite remember
so many things I wanted to ask him about
again

like this plant...it's from a cutting off his grandmother's plant...going back 100 years?!?
I thought
when we die
our stories go with us

our way of seeing the world goes with us
what we have seen of this world goes with us
what has been of importance to us goes with us

sure some of our stories remain in those we told them to
but their words, their inflections, their perspective enter in

Our lives become one dimensional
one word will be used to describe us
oh they were so funny, so tragic, so creative, so beautiful, so holy, so good, so.........

but the vastness, the depth, the person...of the person
is hard to grasp and keep

what remains
memories
valued objects
"personal effects"

I think about when Jesus was about to die
telling us He'd send His Spirit
to be with us always
so we would not forget, so we would not be orphans

telling us to eat and drink His body in remembrance of Him

He understood our human condition

our need to hold on

For hours after I leave my guy
I feel like I'm no good for this world
I can't quite think straight

I see life going on around me
and am ever grateful for the mundane continuity of ordinary tasks and jobs
and I realize what value those regular activites have

The people I see everyday as I do my errands
the bank teller
the women who press my husbands shirts
the grocery check out guys
the people eating lunch at Panera
the woman standing to sway and sooth her baby

we are just living life
going about our daily lives
our business
shopping, eating, appointments

what a gift we have in this living

I can't see into any one
where have they just been
have they too just been with someone who is dieing and feeling as I feel
have they just lost someone
just buried the love of their life
or will they loose someone soon
are they expecting it
wondering why long suffering occurs
or will they be totally shocked as someone is suddenly wrenched from their life

He said to His disciples
Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat,
nor about the body, what you will put on.

Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing.

Consider the ravens, for they niether sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn,
and God feeds them.
Of how much more value are you than the birds?
And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? If you then are not able to do the least why are you anxious for the rest?

Consider the lillies,
how they grow, they neither toil not spin, and yet I say to you,
even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

If then God so clothes the grass which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven,
how much  more will He clothe you, oh you of little faith?

And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind.
For all these things the nations of the world seek after,
and your Father knows that you need these things.

But seek the kinkdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.

Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.
Sell what you have and give alms;
provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old,
a treasure in the heavens that does not fail,
where no thief approaches nor moth destroys.

For where your treasure is there your heart will be also.
                                                              Luke 12:23....
I want so much
to leave something when I go
to do something of importance with this life I have been given

yet these are the days of my life

nothing spectacular
my little insights and ramblings

the readings of late have been from first Corinthians
about the body
the gifts
how we are all gifted
for a purpose

I so often want to be a hand, or an eye, or the mouth
a teacher, a prophet, wise...
so many things that I am not
that I think others are

I need to be right where I am
as I am

and to just love

Mother Theresa said,  "we can do no great things, just small things with great love"

my things are not great
my love is not even great
I am small
and my life is small

but I have a part and a purpose in God's great plan...........