every year at this time

twenty days in
but it's still the new year
except nothing
seems new
everything is a little faded
I tend to be a little blue
the world is still a beautiful place
even in these January gray days 
but what about my place in it

Yesterday I had a small revelation
while driving around
listening to the radio
about all the things there are to do
seeing the signage
about upcoming events

I thought about when we were with children
how we looked and listened for fun things to do
how I fabricated things to do to fill their days
how they created and played

Every day was it's own eternity
had it's own rhythm
there wasn't a whole lot to accomplish
eat, play, rest
fill the day
discover the day
be in the day

Those days taught me alot
It seemed nothing ever got finished
yet alot was done

I knew every moment was important
to show love
by being patient
by remaining kind
by being content
and being present

I couldn't see into the future
but I was raising sons and a daughter
"to be able to leave home at 18 and not come back"
what did that mean
what would they need

I really didn't know
yet I knew it was important

It took forever
it seemed then
every day till bath and story and bed time
was endless

yet I'd lie in bed at night and realized I didn't to do this......
or say that......
I wanted more time...

and now it is all past

and I am here

and they are there...
left home at eighteen...
ready and able

our children
my life's labor and love

but what I realize is that it took many years of many days holding many long hours
which all seemed to have rushed  by.......
to get to where we are now

I get frustrated with myself because I don't have a career
my own small business opportunities
I need to allow that same rhythm and flow to occur in my days as it did then
to let time pass as it will
whether it seems too slow or too fast
and allow whatever the Lord has for me to reveal itself...

I need to be patient, kind and loving  to my self
to be content and present...in every moment and endeavor

whether that's taking care of our home
or being with 'wally and beverly'
or auntie to our niece and nephew's baby to be
or my husband's spouse on 'date your mate' night-out
or the grandma I'm soon to be

I really love doing what I do now?!?
I love being at home
and in my little studio
and going out to do the things I like to do...
not have to do?!?
I like taking pictures

my little life

I am in Christ, I live and breath and move in Him
He rejoices over me
and delights in me
He loves me...
and
gave His life for me
I pray my life glorifies Him, and on that final day,
that He is well pleased
I know He has a purpose for me and even if
I feel I don't know what that is
I desire to accomplish whatever it is He has placed me here for

One thing I ask of the Lord
this shall I seek
to dwell in the house of the Lord, all the days of my life
to behold the beauty of the Lord
                                David's prayer Psalm 27:4