not able to cry

i met with a woman twice this past week
who wanted to cry
but couldn't

i've had experience with that before

but really can't imagine!

i tend to cry too easily
happiness
saddness
anger
fear
joy
love
gratitude
forgiveness
commercials
pleasure
silliness
longing
release
movies
beauty
desire
songs
all cause my checks to be wet with tears

and as easily as they come to me
innately i know they are nothing to be taken for granted

alot of people have trouble feeling their emotions
they remember emotion
they may even long for emotion to come again...
but for some reason 'feeling their emotions'
is far from their reality

i told "mary" that even if she couldn't cry right now
that she can remember...
and that maybe just remembering would help take her 'flatness' away

i am very grateful
for the wide range of emotions and feelings i can feel...
right now
all juxtaposed...

anxiousness for the birth of this new little grandbaby
a little fear mixed in with that anticipation
and a lot of trust in God...

wonder at the beauty of the coming spring
that seems to impose itself a little more each day
into my daily views and mundane routine
soon the trees will be screaming at me again
and i will have to pull over and photograph their outrageous beauty

amazement at the time that has gone by
time since those days of summer
when we first heard of the new life that was to come
and soon and very soon the days will be accomplished
and a whole new life will be in this world

wonder at all that has transpired just over these past months
new love
new life
new relationships
renewed friendships

things are on the verge of change
the change of winter into summer
the time of birth and new life

and the end of life...
and entrace into new life
that i have sat at the bedside waiting for
all these past cold months

all these things
these changes
are so eminent
yet so diverse
i wonder how can they all exist within me at the same time

and i wonder how i could possibly hold them all
without
tears...