sacred longing

I have felt this familiar longing before

in my living
in the gratitude
enters the dreaming
a longing

but after spending time with an old friend the other day
I'm seeing it thru different eyes

the whole world is out there waiting
we decide...
what to be
who to be with
where to be

we decide
and we 'become'
a spouse
a parent
a homemaker
a wage earner
in a house on a nice street

living the dream
or at least what looks like it
one day long into the living
we realize life wasn't all it appeared to be

and suddenly we're back to square one
wondering
who we are
what we have been
and
will it ever be again

I am so grateful
for my little postage stamp of a yard
my sidewalk garden
my many rooms

the man I love
who loves me

our children

our life is good
my little life

and someday our time here will end
as we enter our true home

and these we love will live on
with that blessed assurance

but even in all that sweetness
the longing of my heart remains

my favortie verse echoes thru my mind

one thing I ask of the Lord
this
will I seek
that
I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life
to behold the beauty of the Lord
                          Psalm 27

and so today
this day of my life
as I remember that I am dwelling in His house
in Him
I need to see His beauty

and not long for something other
something more
the beach front
or the mountain stream

many people long to come to their final days
at home

wherever that may be

here
in the cold

or there
near their kids

never obtaining some dream home
some bigger life

their stuff
their family
surrounding them
is enough

I know I am blessed with more than enough stuff
and a wonderful healthy safe happy bunch of family to boot!

yet my heart is ever wandering...longing

maybe I need to acknowledge
that my longing may be given by Him
for Him

I may actually be longing for God's beauty...

not some place
or idyllic little reality

but the beauty of the Lord

is it able to be found
here
now today

or is it for some future time
and place yet to come

daily He reveals Himself to me
taunting me taunting me
with the reality that
yes
there really is more

I will do my best today to find it