before knowing

I was passing the farmer's market this morning
seeing people walk home with their bags of treasures
arms of plants
a handful of flowers
and I had a moment of memory
that made me feel as I did 30 years ago

it took me back to a time in my life

of drawing

of tea cups

of simplicity

of contentment

and of anticipation of the life that would come

I remember the feeling of coming home
to my own place
sometimes my best friend
my roommate would be home
we'd make cucumber sandwiches
and drink tea

sometimes my boyfriend, now husband
would be with me
and we'd order gino's pizza
or not
we'd make celestial seasoning's roast aroma
and he'd play guitar

sometimes I'd just enjoy being by myself
in my pretty little rooms

I was content
my life was sweet
I was working on my fine arts degree
and working and making enough money
to have a wonderful
hardwood floored apartment with my bedroom in the turret

I was living on my own
far away from my family for the first time
finally living closer to my would be future husband
ahhhhh
life was simple
life was good

life now is just a little more complicated

I should have known

today my fingers are stained with cherry juice
because yesterday I cut and pitted a bag of cherries
so a little two year old could eat them

he stood on the chair next to me
in a green t-shirt and his diaper
carefully trying to get them on the end of his fork
eventually he gave up on that
and with his pudgy little cherry stained fingers
began to pop one after the other into his little red mouth

it was the least I could do
for this little two year old and his six year old sister
who stood on the chair on the other side of me
and told me her version of the story
of how
yesterday
her dad died while he was cutting the grass

a massive heart attack at 41 years

their life just became ever so complicated
before it has hardly even begun

every life
has pain

every day
it's own trouble

so many lives
so much hurt
only so many
days


this is the day the Lord has made
let us rejoice...
and be glad in it
         Psalm 118:24