father's day morning

somewhere I've read or heard the idea
that we cannot hold two conflicting
thoughts, feelings or beliefs at the same time

we cannot focus on two things simultaneously

yet this week, this weekend
has been one of many conflicting emotions
and a dichotomy of activities

much like those days twenty seven years ago
to the week...

on our way to Nana's 80th birthday party
    (her mom)

I lost my mother-in-law
my husband
and his siblings lost their mom
gramps his wife
we buried her
and three days later we celebrated Father's day....
all of us... and the lone parent, the father
the survivors they called us!??!?!?

       the boys made pancake cakes for their father
       this father's day
       this morning

this father's day weekend
we had
a going away picnic
a 40th birthday party
a funeral
two weddings
and a confirmation

nothing like that week 27 years ago

yet so full of conflicting emotions

loss
life
living
the celebrations of life
and the end of life

my husband and I have talked a lot
remembering his mom
and remembering talks we had shared with her

I remember talking to her
at the time her teenage daughter
had her brain surgery

she was so calm

she said
that she knew that
her children where not her own
they were God's
and someday they would return to God
and that 'the timing' was His

my hon shared a very similar sentiment yesterday
after the wedding we attended
he wanted to tell coco
that he didn't feel he would be "giving" his daughter away
when he walked her down the aisle on her wedding day

because she's really not his to give...
she's God's
he's been given the charge to love and care for her
this first part of her life

and soon she will enter the life of another
who will love and care for her as his own...

....he is his mother's son....

and this week as our family remembers the love and the loss
it also celebrates 40 years of life!!!
        and the five little lives
        who spring from that love and life!

and
another family mourns the loss of another mom
leaving more 'survivors'
sons and a daughter

and I think
I don't have the strength
       to endure one more heart wrenching thing
I just want to break down
curl up
and cry
and feel all the pain
and sadness
that I feel

but the world keeps on spinning

and the moment changes again

and joy comes in the next moment
how
I don't know

but in the next room
I hear
a sound that wrenches my heart
but refreshes and delights my soul

it's only been two weeks
since the grandbaby's been gone
and we saw him for the first time on skype today

he has already changed so much...

I know it was pure gift
to have been there to share the time around his birth
and then these past six months sharing almost every day of  his little life

how rare a gift
how precious an opportunity

and even though
he is not 'mine'...
anymore than our own children are ours....
I so miss him

what a happy little blessing to hear his voice
and see him on skype
to see him point at us in recognition
and to blow us kisses
and how sad... it makes me

two feelings

two worlds apart
existing simultaneously

just like the rest of this weekend
dichotomy
life
death
beginnings
endings

people come into our lives
for perhaps a very short time
and people leave
perhaps never to be seen again

and some people stay
and we share and continue to witness life together

but either way
our lives are touched

is it a gift that the Lord only gives us this minute to know?
sometimes I wish I knew how it would all turn out...
but really?

do not worry...
about tomorrow
for tomorrow will worry about its own things
sufficient for the day is its own trouble
                 Matthew 6:34

Some People
By Flavia Weedn

Some people come into our lives
and quickly go… Some stay for awhile
and embrace our silent dreams.

They help us become aware
of the delicate winds of hope…
and we discover within every human spirit
there are wings yearning to fly.

They help our hearts to see that
the only stairway to the stars
is woven with dreams…
and we find ourselves
unafraid to reach high.

They celebrate the true essence
of who we are…
and have faith in all
that we may become.

Some people awaken us
to new and deeper realizations…
for we gain insight
from the passing whisper of their wisdom

Throughout our lives we are sent
precious souls…
meant to share our journey
however brief or lasting their stay
they remind us why we are here.

To learn… to teach… to nurture… to love

Some people come into our lives
to cast a steady light
upon our path and guide our every step
their shining belief in us
helps us to believe in ourselves.

Some people come into our
lives to teach us about love…
The love that rests within ourselves.

Let us reach out to others
and feel the bliss of giving
for love is far richer in action
than it ever is in words.

Some people come into our lives
and they move our souls to sing
and make our spirits dance.

They help us to see that everything on earth
is part of the incredibility of life…
and that it is always there
for us to take of its joy.

Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.