all that i am

last night there was a magnificent apricot moon
looming
over the hills as I drove home
breath takingly beautiful

but it was not in this glorious sight that I saw God
it was the night before
in the darkness of my room

I crawled into bed
at the end of the first of these gloriously cool days
we have been having
pulled the sheet and the comforter up to my ears
and waited for my hon to join me from another part of the house

and in the moments of waiting for him
God entered in
the cool air moved over me
and somehow continued to move right through me
with a refreshing I have not felt in oh so long

it was a glimmer of perfection
and I felt that if my world fell apart tomorrow
or if not one more prayer was ever answered again
or if I am at the end of all my dreams
...it was okay...
I was content with whatever came my way

it was a moment of clarity
of God present
good
more than good
perfect

God here
in life
in me

and I put my hand out to touch Him
and the air moved across my hand
and the lace curtain covered my hand

and as clearly and consciously as I knew He was there
suddenly only I was there again
with just my hand behind the lace in the dark
waiting

but the refreshing by His Spirit
still fills me
still makes me grateful
for every moment of beauty that comes
and also for every anxious one as well

He is so near
ready to move
moving

and perhaps someday He will touch me with His beautiful presence again

Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord.
and behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains,
and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord,
but the Lord was not in the wind,
and after the wind an earthquake,
but the Lord was not in the earthquake.
And after the earthquake a fire,
but the Lord was not in the fire
and after the fire
a still small voice....
          1 Kings 19:11-12