a long stand in a hot shower this morning
not my usual routine
I'm an in and out showerer
amazing my husband and family for years
"you're in and out already?"
I am my father's daughter!
stepping out into a steaming room
windows dripping on this twenty degree morning
the three plants on the window ledge
quite grateful for the steam bath
a philodendron
from my sister and brother in law
given many moons ago
still thriving?!?
a fica somehow inherited from our daughter
when she moved from her apartment
given to her as a house warming
by her aunt
somehow still alive with many leaves!
and a papaya that our sons brought home
from their great adventure
given to them by their grandfather
slathering my whole body
not with just the usual body lotion
but with thick moisturizing cream
usually just applied to my face and neck
and hands up to the elbows
cold
dry
my bathroom floor tiles are warm underfoot
as the water to the radiators runs under them
Thursday
work
demolition of glitter world!?
what to wear?
something that I don't mind ruining
getting snagged
...payday!
Christmas done
almost a new year
another year...
although our decorations around the house
will be up beyond the usual new year's weekend
until Epiphany
...my women are coming
...for our annual Christmas breakfast
the piles of gifts that filled our corners
are now gone
which means
so are the kids
but having them here
for whatever time they were able to be here
was wonderful
I am so proud of them
and love them tremendously
they have all grown
into people I like!
I love their familiar voices and their words
wise with opinion
yet ripe with wondering...
I love their helpful hands
and youthful abilities
their giving gracious spirits
their gentle ways
and astute observations
when did they grow into these adults?
saying good-bye and sending them off
back into their worlds
seems so logical
makes me so proud
they exist and function
live and breathe and have their being
apart from me now...
I no longer feed them
hold their hands
tie their shoes
drive them around
buy them shoes
ask if they have such and such
or need this or that
they are autonomous creatures
our children...are no longer children
they live and love
holding young ones safely in their arms
yet playing with little ones
as if they too are young
they are seeking and finding
their very own ways
they trust themselves
and the world they move freely about in
trusting the God they have come to know
and will come to know even deeper
as their lives continue to open up ever before them
I have loved them
and will love them
all the days of my life
I remember once thinking as a young mom
I can't do this
I do not know how
I do not have it all together
I am so going to mess them up
and I remember God speaking into my very spirit
that He had given me these little lives
I did not "create" them
and I knew
that if He somehow saw fit to place His
beautiful vulnerable needy little ones
with me
somehow He would give them
through me
what they needed
what He wanted them to have
and He has given me
what I needed through them
"God sets the lonely in families..."
Psalm 68:6
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