all that i am

a long time ago
before the invention of laptops or even personal computers
when I was 14
I began to keep a journal
my father keeps a journal
and that was a good enough reason for me

almost everyday
for forty years I have written
these last four on this blog
lengthy wordy entries that say nothing

and when words had too much meaninga single image would say it all



the summer I celebrated my 50th birthday
our first child graduated from college
and we sent our youngest child off to college
we celebrated 25 years of marriage
by renewing our vows

and spent three weeks alone together in Italy

and then we came home to our empty nest!

our daughter was home for a long weekend
upon our return
and informed and instructed me on how to put all our travel photos 'on line'
she also told me that I needed 'a blog'
she had to explain to me what 'blogging' was
but intrinsically I understood

all those years of filling pages with silly grade school crushes
and chapters with questions
that I never seemed able to ask or find answers for
all those books of hopes and fears and tears and years
of marriage and children

it was if all of my life suddenly fell into 'one place'
books and words and images
all at my finger tips

I always wished those old journal entries had been juxtaposed
with the many photo album pages of our days and years past
how wonderful it would have been
to have all our photos in one place
with narrative...


and so was born
in this second half of life
'all that I am'
and it is all that I am
and it is enough

I thought it had to be more
had to promote 'me' or some 'thing'
but I've just let it express all that I am

the good and the sad
holiness and life
darkness and light
marriages and babies
conflicts and struggles

the ordinary and extraordinary life

in one of our three now empty bedrooms turned studio
I sit
with neighborhood sounds
coming in thru the open window
next to the old china cabinet that my mother-in-law gave us
29 years ago when we married
that houses all my years of journaling
and next to it, is my perfect pile of 'artful blogging' publications

holding the words and images and inspiration
that represents what blogging has been to me
all at my fingertips
all in 'one place'