Hannah's prayer, Mary's Magnificat...all that I am

"now
when she had weaned him...
she took him up with her
with three bulls, one ephah of flour, and a skin of wine
and brought him to the house of the Lord in Shiloh
and the child was young...
then they slaughtered a bull
and brought the child to Eli
and she said
O my lord, as your soul lives
I am the woman who stood here by you
praying to the Lord
for this child I prayed
and the Lord has granted me my petition
which I asked of Him
therefore I also have lent him to the Lord
as long as he lives
he shall be lent to the Lord
so they worshipped the Lord there

and his mother used to make him a little robe...
and bring it to him year by year
when she came up with her husband to offer the yearly sacrifice

and child Samuel grew before the Lord"
        1 Samuel 1:24-28, 2:19, 21

this Samuel story causes me to cry every time I read it
I cannot imagine
praying with weeping and anguish so fervently before the Lord
for a child
and then
to empty my arms
of that still very little toddler child

what ache

and not even to a 'good' young and vibrant priest
for Eli was old and not very well intuned
even something as obtuse as observing Hannah's heartfelt prayer
he misconstrued as being drunkenness
and his very own sons were 'corrupt and did not know the Lord'

yet
that is where Samuel grew...
and he grew 'before the Lord'

a story of such hope and love
an answered prayer
and then such gracious generous gratitude
and the 'giving' of your life's cry
'back' to the Lord
for that little answered prayer child was not her's
but His
for His glory
to accomplish His purpose
and even in the midst of corruption
the little child grew up holy
and heard the voice of God call his name
and answered His call

out of such muck we all come
and yet there is blessing
and yet we grow
and find God
in the dark of night
when we don't even recognize that it is God
when those we look to for guidance don't either

we hold tightly to things
we should hold loosely
we let slip through our fingers
that which we should cling to

we have four children
now grown
three sons
and a daughter
today is her birthday

family and friends will gather this day
to celebrate
life
to give gifts
to begin the days of festivity

the feast of Christmas
the celebration of a Son given to man
a gift to us in our darkness
a gift we tried to extinguish
by nailing Him to a cross
which became
a perfect gift acceptable to the giver of all gifts
making us holy
as we receive Him

given

and forgiven