moses at meribah

what did he do
this servant of God
to be denied entry into the promised land?!?
after all that had been accomplished

did he not speak what the Lord told him?
when he felt unequipped and stuttered
'I cannot speak'
yet he spoke

all that he had come thru
walking out with throngs behind him
wide-eyed people in hast
past dead cows and cattle
and mothers grieving and shaking their fists at him
while holding
first born sons

walking to the end of the road
where what is solid beneath you
behind you
turns to water
impassable all around you
and the wide eyed grow fearful
and press closer in to crush you

then
hearing again that familiar voice

remove your shoes
I am near you
this is holy
what I do
holy

raise your arm
raise your staff
walk forward
I am with you
and walls of water
stand reverent
in awe
as wide eyed people clutch their children their spouses
their cattle
passing through together

they are witness
to holy
to presence
to something
they never before knew

lead by a man
reluctant
yet able
prayerful
and faithful

he lead them
he fed them

they watched him glow from God's own presence

it scared them

it scared him
when they continued to turn on him
to need him

but he always knew where to turn
and he and his helper
his brother

they petitioned God and He told them always what to do

"Take the rod
  and your brother
  gather my people together
  and
  SPEAK
  to the rock
  before their eyes
  and it will yield its water
  thus you shall bring water for them
  out of the rock
  and give drink"

and God brought abundant water

but then He told moses
'you will not enter into the land which I have given'

why?
this faithful old man, the servant of the living God denied?

because he named called, and shamed them...'you rebels'
or because he thought 'he and his brother' brought the water
or because he lifted up his staff and struck the rock twice...
although he had been told this time to just SPEAK...

was he being called to such a greater obedience?
was he being asked to show God's work in a new way?


and if moses...
abandoned
angry
fugitive
barefoot
stuttering
slaughtering
miracles
and miriam
and the same sandles for forty years
clouds of smoke and fire by night
and God dinners face to face...

...fails and messes up
isn't prepared
to enter
holy
blameless


what are the chances
of me
ever understanding
what
I think
God
might
be telling me