and to love deeply
You might be afraid of the pain that deep love can cause
The more you have loved and allowed yourself to suffer because of your love
the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper
When your heart is truly giving and receiving
those whom you love will not depart from your heart
even when they depart from you"
Henri Nouwen
so the good-bye thing
you would think as many times as I've done it
it would be easy
just a part of what is done
but it's not
each time is hard
you would think I would have learned
to just hold loosely
but I can't
I cling
if not in with my arms
with my heart
you would think that working with hospice
and helping others say the final good-bye
I would know how to say it
to the daily as it fades away
but I only know enough to know that each good-bye
is a little death
a change
every day ends, every conversation finishes, every action is completed
each pause, each breath, each heart beat the last
then again
the first
the sun may rise tomorrow
and the stars return from the night before
but in a different place
reflecting and shining like never before
and as never again
and that is good
as it should be
or it wouldn't be
but for me it is hard
you would think I would know
as often as I say it...
that my life is not my own
that it is a gift
the length of my days is in my Maker and Creator's hands
the author and finisher of my faith
my faith... which is gift
my mind that holds belief in Him who is able to do
what is exceedingly abundantly above and beyond
anything I could ever even imagine or think
my very own breath is gift
my heart that beats and loves and hurts and holds
the very safety I exist and dwell in
and even the little beings that I thought were mine
my children
that actually came forth from my very own body
yet even they are not my own
with that last push and that first breath
they leave me
I held them close
nursed and nurtured
and then they're off
to their first day of school
their first date
their own...first born child...
daily mass
every day
the turn of the back to us
as Jesus returns to that golden box
put away
this morning
after adoration
the glass of the monstrance reflected back
the church
the light streaming through the stained glass
the pews and me in them
He will never leave nor forsake me
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be content
with such things as you have
for He says "I will never leave, nor forsake you"
Hebrew 13:5
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