all that i am

He makes His sun to shine
both on the evil and the good
... even on me
              Matthew 5:45

sitting in the sun
across from where once I sat
waiting

hearing silence
feeling shadow
even while sitting in public in the sun
waiting

the noise that has been so acute lately
car and talk and bird and voice
music and tv
too much too loud
suddenly has become still

then
into darkness
absolute silence
quiet
alone

and in the midst of feeling I may collapse in my weakness
I have strength enough to hold
the weakest of the weak
safely gently tightly sweetly
someone vulnerable
someone precious
someone new

little feet in my hand
knees tucked up between my breasts
a little human body pressed ever so closely
against my chest
and a soft sweet head nestled snuggly
fitting perfectly right up under my chin
my arm surrounds and warms this little newborn baby boy

I feel each quiver
twitch and tremor
each sigh and every breath
every movement of his mouth
I feel
I hear
I know

this little one knows nothing
doesn't know me
doesn't know where he is
doesn't know who all the people coming and going around him are
doesn't know which woman is his momma
which man is his dad
doesn't know why he hurts

yet his trust is perfect
he knows to do nothing else
it is how it should be
yet so not...

he needs meds (they call them...)
drugs....
he needs healed
he needs care
he needs prayer
he needs love

and somehow...yet...I have that... enough within me
to give




"it is no small thing, when one so fresh from God, loves us"
        Charles Dickens