essence

these winter days are the days that reveal
just what we are made of
our essence

does it make us crazy to be cooped up inside!?
or do we make soup and bread and become domestic??!?

'back in the day' as our kids say...
snow days were the best
sleeping in
going out and building forts and sledding
coming in and making hot chocolate and cookies
putting the old VHS tapes in of Pride and Prejudice....for my daughter and I
while the boys played video games or hockey or who knows what...in the basement

I could have stayed home with them forever
cabin fever or not
we loved being snowed in
being home

the past few Januarys have been different  for me without kids
after the holidays
I get a dull lull
not really a depression
but a sort of time for assessment

what am I going to do with myself
today
tomorrow
this year

the cold of winter and
being snowed in

living with myself
my husband and the stuff around me

kind of simplifies it all and lets the 'essence' of my life reveal itself
kind of like new years resolutions
but not
I don't have the energy to resolve at this time of year
usually it's not until Lent that I gain fresh spiritual eyes and strength
to resolve... to fast... to be conscious... intentional

these days are spent just kind of observing...

after the rush of the holidays
the end of the year

I tend to just lay low and look...

to take advantage of being 'in'

is there too much stuff in our house?
what do we need?
what do we need to get rid of?
repair? replace?

is ther too much superficial social activity?
is there enough physical activity?
what am I eating?
am I eating because I'm bored or hungry?

what will this year look like?

I just can't jump in like everyone else and resolve to do this and that...
right now... while the year is fresh and new

by Lent I will be ready...
I will have had these days and this time to really look...
at my life
and listen to the Lord's still quiet voice...ever leading me
home