mother teresa of calcutta

What is essential is not what you say
but what the Lord says to you
and through you
                   Mother Teresa

many times
I haven't known what to say

hardly known what I think...

yet so clearly know what I feel
but is it appropriate
correct
worthy
to be spoken
to be shared

or is it just for me?
is this revealing something deep within
that I need to face...
and perhaps unlearn

is this an opportunity
to be more than what I've always been
a chance to rise to the occassion?

And to process and discern
what 
everything inside me
is saying and wondering...

I quiet myself
'be still
and try to
know God'


am I trusting and believing right now
or am I scared?
what am I afraid of?
what is scaring me?
















sometimes I am afraid of the immediate discomfort I feel...

















I'm embarassed, ashamed...

but every moment passes...
and every circumstance will change in time
but sometimes I wonder how can I endure?
even this short uncomfortable moment

I want to run away
to flee...


but I know I must stay
so then I must call upon everything in me
to calm myself
to give me peace
to help me persevere

but back to the original dilema....
for whatever reason...

















I am scared and shaken

and that is when the spirit leaps within me
here I come to save the day...."I am here!"

and that is when all the words the Lord has spoken to me
He speaks again
and brings to mind

He renews my mind...
He strengthens my soul...
restores my peace

And suddenly
yet again
I know He who is in me....
(not me)
is greater than the world

and I'm a smidge stronger
I would like to be much stronger
to suddenly know what to say
to diffuse the situation
to change the circumstance
to solve the problem

but I don't
I can't

that is not up to me

and I needn't feel bad because I don't know what to do
what to say

for what is essential is what the Lord says to me
and through me

and as of yet He might not be saying anything through me
but I know He is speaking to me...
into me
changing me
teaching me
reassuring me

of His presence
always
of His love
always
of His forgiveness
always

of the hope
and joy
that are in Him

and maybe
someday
that will come
through
me..........