dolphins

I wake
bright light already
when I want to wake before dawn
to sit on the beach for the rise of the day
at home I'd have been awakened
by the birds many times already
[tonight... set an alarm]
espresso and prayer book
barefoot down the block
some pray in closets
but here
is where I could pray all day

I sit
against the safety of a dune
and then
a tractor rumbles by me!?
literally causing the ground to tremble
the earth to quake
distracting, dismaying, dangerous, discouraging
should I stay or should I go?
and then
as confirmation in my dilemma
a beach "vacuumer's" great sucking wind joins in
back and forth back and forth just feet from where I'm nestled
he waves to me and motions  'stay...it's okay'
really?

this is not how I want my praying time to be...
and then
quiet
they roll away
into the roar of ocean whisper
only me as far as my little eye can see
only me
under the vastness of sky
before the immensity of ocean
the immeasurable sands
me, in beige linen, white t, blue jean shirt
blending in with the colours before me
huge as if the only one on dry land
yet diminished just one more grain of sand

I sing
I pray
an airplane glistens in the sky for a second
a plane en route
to Europe, to real beaches...Bahamas, Bali...Polynesia
a plane of people, their toothbrushes and floss, walking shoes and passports
a glimmer in the sky
and He knows everyone of them, the hairs of their heads
and me too He sees
before Him, before eternity, in Him, in me

and then comes a man in slick black wet suit
easily carrying his board, so young so strong, 'good-morning'
I watch as he warms up, stretching, reaching, bending, rotate
and then he runs into the surf belly flat against the board
out to the place where the waters meet
in crushing over out
the edge of each wave
like the curl of my husband's, my babies' lips
an imperceivable edge
a place I know and trace and have touched
shooting waves today skim right
rolling waves sea green transparent light
the sound of crashing over seeping hissing coming in or going out

and me lying quietly before each ever new ever individual ever only one
single swell of water rolling never ceasing
since before the creation of man
me lying quietly before
the face of God
and He touching mine with tears
perfect gentle warm
imperceptible
except against the memory of hot sweaty heavy

and then
they begin to come
the bikini brown long blonde
walking with the surfer to his re-entry point
she sits and watches
his able arms paddle to the place of cresting roll
and in one swift and seamless motion he twists and stands and rides with balance
arms up legs strong one with board and moving water
in and up scrunched down and over
she watches

and then a mother with a little baby
and a boogie board
that's all
a simply genius efficient mother
with a toddler skipping behind
she sits on the board babe between her folded legs
and her little toddles and runs and squeals in delight
in the sand in the surf in the sun
finds not a shell but a great long stick
bigger than him covered in sand
he runs to his momma to show off his find
and she doesn't beware or deter
about the baby be careful be gentle
all is well, he is perfect...
he is trustworthy, he is careful, he is gentle
what ease, what joy to behold

and then grandma and grandpa enter the scene and she rises
and places the baby in the midst of them
and the little toddler who has taken rest on the boogie board next to his momma
suddenly finds himself being towed by a rope
round and round in the sun in the sand in the surf
he waves and maintains balance happy ear to ear

and I cry

I know I was brown beauty in pink bikini
I know I was momma necessarily efficient
but what am I now in my 56th year?
and I realize today begins again with a prayer
like so many of days so far
and I don't order the weather the sunshine the cloud coverage
the color
the people the children the noises the tractors
they come

my life is to worship
freely
without fear
to live holy in His sight
to love
all the days of this life...

they sit and they watch intently each other
and what do I see that they miss
as I watch
the horizon
dolphins
the blessing of dolphins
for me
they come