the first day of summer

the Fourth of July windows went in at the shop today
just to add to my ominous feeling
that summer is almost over

the first day of summer
my least favorite day of the year

I love each and every precious day leading up to this day
but then desperation sets in
it's official
we are now eating in to the crazy lazy hazy days of summer
every day is one less day of summer

the fourth of July is upon us
taunting that summer is half over
and then poof
gone

two summers ago

was a summer that just now I can begin to look back on
with out shedding tears
I was so ashamed
I had failed
I was so disappointed
my heart was broken
my arms ached
my mind raced and whirled
and sadness and loss were all I could feel



I knew my feelings were inordinate
and yet there was nothing I could do
I couldn't sleep
I couldn't talk
there was just living
and knowing somehow we'd get through

the boys prepared adventures



and the girl did too










we celebrated their days

and went about our days

and thanked the Lord for neighbors who came by

for meeting old friends on the street



for the blessing of blessings
of traditions held firm

for the comfort of prayers in the dark
and cool evening visits

for faith
found in the familiar
and family

and friends

and for the hope of things to come

for a son home on a rock in the hot afternoon sun

for birthday celebrations like none before



for new beginnings













and innumeral blessings

shared kindly and compassionately by friends







and for the ability to say
at the end
of those long hot summer days
"I will see you soon
be good
I love you
always"

















and we have
and we will
and they are
and all is well
thanks to you
it only took two years

this week I was able to go through the bins of stuff packed away for all these years
to smell and to touch and to sort and to feel
without
even shedding a tear