all that i am

carolyn says
"be afraid
  but do it anyway"

Jesus says 'be not afraid'

but every break of day is fear
rejection
loneliness
disappointment
emptiness
sadness
failure

there's that silly prayer
          Dear God, so far today, I’ve done all right.
          I haven’t gossiped, and I haven’t lost my temper.
          I haven’t been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I’m really glad of that!
          But in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on,
          I’m probably going to need a lot of help.

getting out of bed
getting out of myself
is where I begin to lose my fear

looking for His holy joy
eternal gladness
along my way
everyday

thirty years of morning kisses
having and holding
marriage, family, home
incredulously still here

clean counters
hot coffee
thoughts of morning wakings past
thoughts of far away
six hours already into their day
a blue ceiling above where I sway

and the word of comfort that ever feeds me
surrounds, fills, and upholds me

and now after these many years
to find His presence

loudly
clumsily
awkwardly
in the darkness
carefully
quietly
for the briefest pure moment
light
fully
present

this I want
long for
yearn

this one thing
okay two
three
maybe four
too much

never enough

enough

only this
one thing
hold loosely
let go
don't go, don't go
stay

and He comes and He stays
and whoever receives you receives Me
and whoever receives Me receives the One who sent Me

and whoever gives one of these little ones
only a cup of cold water...
             Matthew 10:40-2

go

remain
present

light of day

away

remain
present

out of the dark
into the green
the familiar rain
the hot day
the old
their pain
the young
our pain
their stories
our same
the disappointments
struggles once
told
again

remain
present

dwell
stay
listen
touch
see
love

these three remain
and the greatest
only Him, love
remains
present

bearing fruit
for eternity
here
always

present

"only this
  I want
  only this
  shall I seek
  that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
  all the days of my life
  to behold
  the beauty of the Lord"
              psalm 27:4




He is the light in the darkness
we are the aperture