holy joy, eternal gladness

sleepless night
succumbing to
tea at the sink staring at the night light
coffee in the morning in the same spot

tears for the night
where is the joy that comes in the morning?

instead a sobering coolness
that even in these days in the midst of july I can't welcome
bringing to close what is so soon to come

I have thought I would not get through many times before
and by God's grace
here I am
I have
He has brought me safe thus far

but why this now
I had myself to loose before
now so much more

the drama I perform within my own little mind
consumed
obsessed
convicted
ashamed afraid

and I think of those little boys
mining gold in Africa
lives
in dust alone asleep balanced over the pits they have dug
under the rusted machinery that takes their fingers, hands, arms
hands in mercury
toddlers at labour
and human rights watch?!?!

and I struggle in my internal world of fantasy, flesh and fear

I have a home husband children luxury
everything
and I need
even more
want even more

and I pray
hold me, Lord
secure in Your saving arms


greater is He that is in you
than He that is in the world

I believe
have mercy on me a sinner