it pushes behind my eyes
the cancer
the hospital
the homebound
the prison
the suicide
the poverty
the pain
I pray for healing
for a woman my age who hasn't yet seen
either of her daughters marry
nor held one little grand-baby
I pray for 89 and ninety year old mothers
who helplessly watch their children grown suffer long with cancer
I pray for babies who should not yet be born
existing precariously outside the womb
while others die at birth at full term
I pray for successful young marrieds who want littles so dearly
and receive none
I pray for the young momma in line at christian help
pushing a stroller, carrying one while another lags behind
I pray the silent cry of my heart at night
in His presence by day
why do any of us remain?
men in their suits day after day
delivery guys pushing the same hand trucks up the street and down
moms and all those years ahead of them raising babies, tweens and teens
high school kids with two a days trudging hot back and forth to the fields
learning to drive and making friends or not
friends who take their lives or worse are murdered
young people living lives in jail
old women meeting in malls for mah jong games
fighting traffic
ignoring horns
college bound
career paths dashed
jobs lost
home and car repair
I am not feeling the joy of any of it
marriage family living
overwhelmed and tired
of it all
sitting in traffic
distracted by tears
wondering if I should just turn around and go home
wait for another day
and then
He reminds me
He speaks to me
and I speak to Him
say it
say it again
present in so many ways
in my day
in the morning
on the way
in this moment
I journey with praise and a heart turned back
grateful
and then this little one
on the day of her birth
runs to me and kisses me and thanks me
with her lips with her voice with her arms and her eyes
and I get it
thank You
I remember
we are not just big sweeping strokes of humanity doing same old same old
we are people
little ones and big ones old ones and young ones
each individual, one, God's very own child
loved
purely
generously
and able to love
without question
without pleading
without expectation
somehow
there is love
thank You
I am loved
when tired and weary and cranky and depleted
and
I love
those defeated
in the middle of their struggles
those weary
at the end of their days
and I pray that each day brings Him glory
in what ever purpose He has set us here for again
another day
another step
in eternity
“Gratitude doesn’t change the scenery.
It merely washes clean the glass you look through so you can clearly see the colors.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich
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