all that i am

I woke this morning and put our Easter grass in the sun

hoping for a fuller bowl come Easter day

when suddenly the skies are grey 

and I hear the sounds of an extremely hard rain coming down 

hail...

not what I expected!??!?

and I didn't think I'd be sitting in the sun

in the cemetery

later in the afternoon either...

but due to unknown to me, road construction

and an accident 

traffic lead me to a place I couldn't make 

the left hand turn I needed to take 

to arrive at my pre-determined destination

at the designated time

and so I made the right at the light

and knew immediately were I was going to spend 

a little unexpected time

of blessing

I like to take pictures

I told someone I was going to be shooting my first wedding

oh they asked

are you a photographer?

and I said no

I just take pictures

and they said

no you must be a photographer...

they didn't ask you as carpenter to come to their wedding

to take pictures

though perhaps he could

but then he would also be a photographer

I understood what they were saying!?!?

even if I can't explain it well

I'm better visually

I've heard it said

"I'm not an artist

but I know what I like"

I too know what I like

and so many times I see images

and wonder

oh my

how did they shoot that?

why can't I do that

and one day I realized editing

and photoshop

and slowly I am learning to use those tools

just as I've learned to use my camera!

but mostly I prefer to only shoot thru the lens

to compose

to set for the light I wish to capture

to underexpose

to overexpose

to focus

or not to focus

not that there's anything wrong with cropping later

or editing 

or coloring

or deleting color

of changing to soft focus

but somehow it feels more genuine

pure to do it with my eye

to capture what is

although

just because I shoot that way

does that mean that is what is?

even when taking the screed shot of my grandson

I crop how I see fit

and I hit click for exactly what instant I want to capture

I say I am never photographing another flower

tooooo many

yet I do

what if I had been at the kennedy assasination

and was taking pictures of the grass on the knoll

that would be dis genuine as well

but I wasn't

and I'm not in Africa taking safari shots

or images of those still dieing of hunger aids and malaria

or a photojounalist

for the latest college riot

or street killing

or 

I work in a gift shop

dusting things to buy

and luring people in off the street to buy

and unpacking boxes from china full of unnecesary things for people to buy

the world is a bad sad beautiful world

what do I compose my life around

what is my subject

and how do I wish to portray it?!