the night that is so quiet so still
the fog that veils not only mornings but the day
the shadow that I move through
was illuminated today
the question that my gapping heart mouths
returns empty
wet tears rolling back into my head through my silent ears
staring at the ceiling upon my bed
I remember 'let me'...
I cannot
I don't know how
I'm overwhelmed, so small, so weak, so frail
but I do believe...I trust You
You bring all things into this world
You have brought me
and You have brought all that is, into my life
and into my life You continue to come
You are with me
I may stumble hard and fall, oh so far
but You are near, You never leave me, You are here
and You will make the way
through these endless, sleepless silent tear filled nights and days
You are my hope, blessed hope
maybe joy will never come
that's okay
just to know I am known
just to long for You alone
You are in me, and I am in You
I believe...I trust You
You are my hope
Why are you cast down O my soul?
and why are you disquieted within me?
hope in God
for I shall yet praise Him
the help of my countenance and my God
ps 42:11
and so the prayer continues
of surrender
of absolute
of abandon
and then
through the night
through the fog
crossing the bridge that terrifies
comes the sun
more shadows cast into the day
upon the ever present fog
but these...
of the trees
of the morn
these...
are dreamscicle colored shadows
suspended in the heavy morning air
these...
take my breath away
these...
begin my day
You can
and You do
and You will
bring color
bring beauty
bring purpose
bring me
back into my days
one by one
day by day
When I saw Him, I fell at His feet as dead —Revelation 1:17
It may be that, like the apostle John, you know Jesus Christ intimately. Yet when He suddenly appears to you with totally unfamiliar characteristics, the only thing you can do is fall “at His feet as dead.” There are times when God cannot reveal Himself in any other way than in His majesty, and it is the awesomeness of the vision which brings you to the delight of despair. You experience this joy in hopelessness, realizing that if you are ever to be raised up it must be by the hand of God.
“He laid His right hand on me . . .” (Revelation 1:17). In the midst of the awesomeness, a touch comes, and you know it is the right hand of Jesus Christ. You know it is not the hand of restraint, correction, nor chastisement, but the right hand of the Everlasting Father. Whenever His hand is laid upon you, it gives inexpressible peace and comfort, and the sense that “underneath are the everlasting arms” (Deuteronomy 33:27), full of support, provision, comfort, and strength. And once His touch comes, nothing at all can throw you into fear again. In the midst of all His ascended glory, the Lord Jesus comes to speak to an insignificant disciple, saying, “Do not be afraid” (Revelation 1:17). His tenderness is inexpressibly sweet. Do I know Him like that?
Take a look at some of the things that cause despair. There is despair which has no delight, no limits whatsoever, and no hope of anything brighter. But the delight of despair comes when “I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells . . .” (Romans 7:18). I delight in knowing that there is something in me which must fall prostrate before God when He reveals Himself to me, and also in knowing that if I am ever to be raised up it must be by the hand of God. God can do nothing for me until I recognize the limits of what is humanly possible, allowing Him to do the impossible.
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