so...the tests came back...they say...my heart is 'normal'

then why does it feel like it's too big for my chest
making it hard to breathe 
hard to swallow 

'I gasp
 with open mouth
 in my yearning...
 ...for your commands'
                     Psalm 119

it is hard even to see...
oh right those are tears
which cause everything I look upon to appear distant and out of focus

perhaps my heart is beginning to
"see the things that are above
 not the things that are on earth
 For you have died, and your life is hid with Christ in God.  
 When Christ who is our life appears, 
 then you also will appear with him in glory"
           Colossians 3:2-4

I don't know
I just know my heart hurts and feels like it will never stop hurting
my heart is sad
my heart is not pure nor sacred nor immaculate
my heart is confused and conflicted 

yet for the last two days I have heard that
my heart is held safely in The Immaculate Heart of Mary and The Sacred Heart of Jesus
my heart is loved
my heart is not alone

my heart...knows that...
or maybe it's my mind that knows

my heart seems unable to feel...

'Even in laughter the heart may sorrow'
       Proverbs 14:13

The encyclical letter Annum sacrum (May 25, 1899 A. D.) of Pope Leo XIII 
decreed that the consecration of the entire human race 
to the Sacred Heart of Jesus should take place on June 11, 1899 A. D. 
In this encyclical letter the Pope encouraged the entire Roman Catholic episcopate 
to promote the devotion of the Nine First Fridays 
and he established June as the Month of the Sacred Heart. 
Pope St. Pius X decreed that the consecration of the human race
performed by Pope Leo XIII be renewed each year