last year at this time
how he was walking alone
sleeping in his tent on...
literally "on"....
the camino
he had already met his future wife to be
they had already walked
and breathed together
and had fallen in love
but by now she had already left the camino
and had gone back to work
leaving him to finish his pilgrimage alone
I rememeber how we imagined him
'sprinting across Spain'
so he could be joined to her again in Germany...
as soon as possible!!!
and now they are...joined...in Germany....
fast forward to this year
their little one turning "two months old..."
he was just born!?!?
the last two months
the there and back again...
'life comes at you fast...'
and then yesterday....
a day with my nephew and his newlywed wife
and their little one
[who will soon be 5 months 'old']
spent at the location of their wedding ceremony
re-walking those places and those steps
that they walked 9 months ago in white and dress shoes...
yesterday in tennies and shorts...
with the baby strapped to her chest...
he is here...
part of our world
looking around at the falls where they once stood
and posed and smiled
now a family
dappeled in sunlight's light and shadows
a beautiful day
beautiful memories
here
and
abroad...
and this morning it is gloriously cool
oh so wonderfully cool
a blanket over my lap as I sway on my swing...
my nose cold!
my coffee already gone...
I sit in the comfort of my usual morning routine
one of the most wonderful mornings this summer
thinking of these two little babies we now have in our lives.
and this morning
there are two more little ones
waking up
to their life
without
their mom
two little ones in a double stroller
thrown clear
"of harms way"
by the impact of the car
that has taken away their mom...
as she finished her daily jog
last week two dads were lost
as they earned their living
as forest service employees
a 15 year old young woman lost her dad
and a 2 year old blonde headed toddler his
I don't know how to process all this
I haven't even known either of these lost
yet
I feel the pain
I ask the questions
raise my fist and my pleading eyes to God...
why....
I think of Paige and her girls
of Stephanie and Christian
of Amy and her three little ones
of Barry's daughter in law and grandson....
of Bernie and her sisters and her brother yet to be born
of Sharon and her brothers and sisters...
of the dad in the hospital who had a heart attack
when he heard that his son
had just had a massive heart attack
and died
leaving behind his three little ones
he clenched his eyes
and confessed
it should have been me....
"I'm old...my son's children are still so little..."
it happens
does it help those with such loss to know 'it happens'
I don't think so
they are the 'only' ones...
this has ever happened to
and
all my hours of....
how-to-minister training
and bereavement conferences
and Why suffering? seminars
and Eucharistic adoration
and fervent praying
and seeking scripture
and of knowing the Lord....
makes none of it any easier
my heart breaks
and surely my Lord's does too
Jesus wept...
John 11:35
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