all that i am

years ago
I spoke angry words
against holiness

I was judgmental
I was defensive

all these years later
nothing has changed
I speak the same words
again

until in a moment
a short sudden moment

I'm walking
alone
across a wide lawn

and a feeling I haven't felt
in more years than I can remember
begins with my feet
damp
with dew
ends with my eyes
flows down my cheeks
wet
with tears

'like the dew'

my heart melts
I confess
I am jealous
I am envious
I want
what they have
so want
only want
what they have

and everything in me cries
silently
into the night
knowing
I will never ever
even possibly
have what they have
be what they are
but
there are four eternal lives now...six
because of the holiness of two...one

my feet
my face
wet
in the dew
where I stand

Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.
         1 Corinthians 10:12