my heart

I have seen images like these many times over my many years
ultrasounds of little ones growing within our very bodies

I have heard the beat of the hearts of the little ones that grew within me
heart beats that were not my own
but I have never heard and seen mine

I press perfectly formed little ears to my chest daily
conscious that a sound unheard by me
but that comes effortlessly and freely from me
somehow is very important to the development and security of these newborn babes

and not just to newborns...
I have been held in the same way
against the steady constant reassuring beat of the one who loves me...

yesterday I had an echocardiogram
and the same way tears filled my eyes when I first saw and heard each of our little one's hearts beat
I wept at seeing and hearing my own

to have lived all these years and to have never seen my heart...somehow touched me deeply
touched my very heart

I have loved that which grew within me
I have nourished and nurtured those lives that grew within me and without me
but have I cared for and loved my very own heart?!?

Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
                Proverbs 4:23

apparently I have not been vigilant

my heart is broken
something about it needs concern
I should have been caring for it all along
I should have maintained and protected it

will it be able to be repaired
will it heal
is it too late

and as I ponder my broken heart
I think of mother Mary who held the heart of the maker of the world
beneath her very own beating heart