here in this place

I bow my knee
'weep my tears, caught in His bottle'
                             Ps 56:8
I am safe here in this place
scented sacred
smell of warm
bee's wax and incense
rising with my prayers
'gathered in heaven's golden bowls'
                            Rev 5:8
wood worn smooth from many hands' constant touch
memories against the vaulted ceiling have been held

memories touched by the young priest's words
spoken deeply into my heart

'talents...given...and taken away
 come into the master's joy'
                          Matthew 25:14

back to when I myself was young
a baby a child
about fear and attachment
being loved and cared for
about having our cries heard and responded to
about exploring the world we live in freely
knowing
someone is there to catch our eye when we are frightened
to catch our hand when we fall
someone saying "it's ok, go ahead, I'm here...always"

and not...
not having someone there when you need them
not ever knowing you are safe and not alone
about being fearful, never encouraged
about being afraid to fall for no one is there to kiss your hurt feelings
and hold you till the pain is gone
about being paralyzed to venture out into the vast and terrifying unknown

you would think after all these years of knowing Him
I would know...I would just know
but sometimes still I am so very much a frightened fearful scared little one

leaving this place grips me every time
every morning after adoration
every evening after the offering of the mass
"go in peace glorifying the Lord by your life"
must I go?
can't I just stay?

but I must go,  I walk...away
I stand outside and what I see takes my breath away
the sacred rushes back
the moon the stars
the dark of night
the bright of day
a knowing smile upon me
and eyes of pure delight...

He has been fathering me
holding me
telling me
it's ok.....go

and I gasp
catch my breath
there is holy here
in this place
and...everywhere...
He has glorified...my life...by His life

here in this place
I have come to know again anew,
this person my Father, my Saviour, my God
who loves me
has always loved me
and...still loves me
and will not ever...ever leave me alone
will not ever abandon His grown up ever little child

you are not forgotten, nor forsaken, you are not unloved