only say the word

I could have read ahead
been prepared for the readings
but I didn't
I wasn't
so as I sat fiddling with this smooth thing hanging around my neck
I heard

You are our Father
we are the clay and You our potter
and all we are
the work of Your hand
          Isaiah 64:8

I came across this old piece of pottery while purging last month
in preparation for the foster care home visit (tomorrow)
and in preparation for our time away

I cannot for the life of me remember where it came from
or when I wore it

I have never been a jewelry person
not even a crucifix around my neck
only our wedding bands and my engagement ring
and occasionally I will wear my wedding day pearls, a gift from my groom

but I used to wear this
it represented then and now again that idea from Isaiah 64 and Jeremiah 18
I am nothing
dirt
wet dirt...clay
like I said to Elizabeth for her confirmation video

yet I am made by God
in His image
and He lives within me
dwells in me

He is making and molding me into His image, into His heart, and hands, and mind

I have nothing to give Him, but what He has already given
it is all gift
and as much as I long to do good to be holy...for Him
it all comes from Him
and all I can do is return it to Him

hopefully multiplied, pressed down and overflowing
but right now it is not much
all I can do is kneel before Him
seek Him
and trust He is there
although I mostly know nothing of it

in this season of my life
in this New Year of the Church
in this Advent
this time of purple
I am wearing this old and purple clump of a vessel again
it is broken
sharp and rough where the break occurred
dangling insecurely on its brittle leather lace
it has no purpose
it is empty
with only the smallest opening
who knows what could possibly be fitted within it
and yet
it was fashioned exactly as it was intended
intentionally with that empty place at the core of it
and it is beautiful although broken
and it is cherished

as I am...
although I barely know of it
but I do believe
"only say the word and I shall be healed"